I’ve submitted once before with amazing results. I felt good about the comments but mostly got in touch with a few people about overcoming issues. I’m doing even better than before. I was so insecure with my body I wouldn’t wear short sleeves. I hated my face so much I would style my hair over it and never look anyone in the eye. I wouldn’t smile because I hated my smile. I felt like the most hideous person ever, it got to the point where I would starve myself and avoid social situations or dressing up.
It took time and patience and support from others to realize my body was beautiful. My boyfriend thought it was ridiculously sexy. I ended up losing some of the weight just through eating what my body wanted and keeping myself healthy. The insecurity was in my head and being brought on by American culture, my body was and is beautiful. Even with the confidence I gained before submitting last time it still took me until a day ago to wear a bathing suit in public.
My confidence has gone up due to something simple; I started modelling, just a minor thing but still doing pretty complex and awesome photoshoots. I was so nervous; I met the other model in the shoot and not only was she gorgeous but she was stick thin, a size 1. I expected to be so insecure with my curves next to her; but she was so incredibly nice, as was the photographer, and she also was having insecurities. She was worried about how skinny she was and how it might look “unsexy” when in fact it was sexy. We both looked good and rocked it, two different bodies, both beautiful.
My last shot put up was gorgeous, too gorgeous. It had been photoshopped, something I have never used. Granted she had those photos to sell and I had to look perfect.. perfect skin, etc. But it was odd to see my waist narrowed slightly and my skin look ridiculously beautiful. It looked so natural at the same time. It was kind of a wake up call how easy photoshop is, and how most models look like everyone else; still absolutely gorgeous but human.
I’ve been wanting to channel my confidence and have been vocal in my support of other women and men and their bodies. Locally I’ve been helping out and might get a support group of sorts going. I’ve been raising awareness the best I can about how any remark, whether it’s about a girl’s curves or how skinny she is, can be hurtful if you put it that way. No body type is the best, women’s bodies are so sexy and beautiful in any form. There is no ideal body type; your body is unique and you will learn how to rock it. I’m sick of the trend of photoshop beyond recognition and digital bodies on real faces (some companies do this) because we will never fit into their image of beauty and we don’t need to. I am happy now, which is a concept that was far from me. If anyone needs help or to talk, I’m always here. marievalenti.tumblr.com
This is one of my shots.
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